Anyone want to explain to me what the hell that means?

I wore a skirt today...I really need a tan...this weekend I plan on getting this, if not sooner. I felt ok this morning, but then second period hit, and I couldn't stop sneezing! I managed to pull through, and by third I was dying. I couldn't breathe. I took notes then got my crap, said "Late biotches", and rolled on home. It took forever for me to fall asleep. As soon as I got some good nappage in, my cell rang...

Prom is this weekend...I've been asked by many if I'm going...Nope! As soon as I say this I get the look of "Oh my god! Why not?" I really don't know if I feel the need to celebrate a dance. I mean I want to go, but then again, I don't. I'm so lost.

I really want to go to NC this weekend. I'll probably go next weekend. I talk to him everyday, yet, I'm getting "home sick." I say this because I feel at ease up there. With him, my sister, and even Shawn (my sister's annoying boyfriend). My mind is so clear. Happiness surrounds me, I feel loved and accepted by those around.

These days are mixed up. I really do want more friends. I feel as though I've alienated a lot of people on my quest for self discovery. I don't know if this is bad or good, because those who I've ousted never seemed to be a friend in the first place. The friends I do have, I treasure. It seems the best people live so far away. I don't know why it's so easy for me to relate to those I hardly know, and live so far away, and why the people close to me are so distant. Maybe my negative attitude has something to do with it. I try to be positive, but it's really hard to do sometimes. I'm quick to see the bad in people and not the good. I know everyone has flaws. I have a ton. I'm learning now that flaws are what make people. Even people who lie and people who are fake...that's them, and I should respect their choice to be that way, even if it doesn't make me happy.

can't wait to see them at the beach